He and I

You can’t really understand the nature of love, can you? It’s been 24 years since my journey began as a human. I still haven’t found love, thank God for that; I am a happy single and free. Love has always fascinated me, its the fifth abstract dimension that runs the world. Love in all its forms roots you to this world, in a way it is very earthy concept. But I had a wonderful but a strange convo with a girl. Her ideas sounded stupid to me,  yet all that she said is still reverberating in my head. I will recount a narrative for you as originally as possible in a poetic form:

HE AND I

It hurts to see your crush, crushing over another. 

The pain is heaving, seeping deep and my heart just withers.

Oh! He has invaded my consciousness,

dripping tiny drops of his venomous memories.

Now I am no longer me.

There is nothing about me.

Everything is him.

I am slowly becoming him.?

I wish I could cleanse off those memories.

You! I have had enough of you… go away. 

run away as far as you can be.

 I spill the pent of anguish gushing out,

over the leaves that are falling out.

I crush them, beat them, yet pity them,

for I caused this mayhem.

The similitude sodden mass with my broken  heart,

rips me apart.

It isn’t his fault, nor is it mine.

I am tired of being the second best, but fine,

No man will love me for me.

Ah! “that girl is my back up plan”.

Is that all you can?

I am tired, depleted and devoid of hope,

to wait for the right guy which is nothing but a trope.

I am going crazy!

This is never gonna work out.

Its time for lights out.

My grey dreams turned chatoyant,

but the iridescence low clouds cannot be grasped with one hand.

I wake up frightened by the truth,

of “one swallow does not a summer make”.

I am a wastrel, aren’t I? not worthy of love;

I am reckoned a puppy which men pity,

that they'd never take home.

Men see me, but don’t “see” ME.

  Am I to live like this forever?

Will something good ever come out of life?

Sweet things does happen to me,

but I ruin my chances,

mulling over crazy nuances.

I don’t think he would ever think about me.

All he does is avoid me,

yet, he looks me in the eye,

wrecking the egis guarding my soul.

What a player! You arrogant slayer.

“Your gestures might be platonic,

and looks so iconic.

Alas!they are stimuli triggering my desire to have you for myself.

and myself only forevermore.

You are to be blamed for me sowing the wrong seed in the wrong place.

You run away from she who loves you, you always do.

Well, you will run from me too,

if I make it known.

No, you will not run for I never let my heart known, not consciously.

You will have kill me before I let you know me.

My love cannot be seen so will it remain forever like a nail hammered in my heart,

I might pluck it out later,

will the scare ever be filled?

His mellifluous voice has already invaded my body and soul

. No matter how hard I try he “just can’t ever like me”.

                                                                

   This is my version of "He and I", actually not 'I', the identity of the 'I' is off the record. So if you can make sense of the above written so called poetry, you will come realize that, the 'he' in the poem is actually her crush. Well, I am a single, I will obviously promote breaks up (no offence). But what is beautiful about falling ardently hard in love with the crush is there is no rejection for you will never confess. The bliss of solitude will engulf you and you can have him/her for yourself in you imagination where no one can trespass, nor can they take him/her from you.... What??? you are the sole proprietor of your imagination. The closer you get to love, the intensity of pain will shot up to the level which will kill you. So, the distance will shield you from the pain. You live with him/her in your dreams for dream unlike reality has no limits. It is unbound and unaffected by the social constructs. So its absolutely okay to crush on someone... Happy Crushing... But don't get crushed. 😂

                                                                                                                         -Ramya Rajakannan