He and I

You can’t really understand the nature of love, can you? It’s been 24 years since my journey began as a human. I still haven’t found love, thank God for that; I am a happy single and free. Love has always fascinated me, its the fifth abstract dimension that runs the world. Love in all its forms roots you to this world, in a way it is very earthy concept. But I had a wonderful but a strange convo with a girl. Her ideas sounded stupid to me,  yet all that she said is still reverberating in my head. I will recount a narrative for you as originally as possible in a poetic form:

HE AND I

It hurts to see your crush, crushing over another. 

The pain is heaving, seeping deep and my heart just withers.

Oh! He has invaded my consciousness,

dripping tiny drops of his venomous memories.

Now I am no longer me.

There is nothing about me.

Everything is him.

I am slowly becoming him.?

I wish I could cleanse off those memories.

You! I have had enough of you… go away. 

run away as far as you can be.

 I spill the pent of anguish gushing out,

over the leaves that are falling out.

I crush them, beat them, yet pity them,

for I caused this mayhem.

The similitude sodden mass with my broken  heart,

rips me apart.

It isn’t his fault, nor is it mine.

I am tired of being the second best, but fine,

No man will love me for me.

Ah! “that girl is my back up plan”.

Is that all you can?

I am tired, depleted and devoid of hope,

to wait for the right guy which is nothing but a trope.

I am going crazy!

This is never gonna work out.

Its time for lights out.

My grey dreams turned chatoyant,

but the iridescence low clouds cannot be grasped with one hand.

I wake up frightened by the truth,

of “one swallow does not a summer make”.

I am a wastrel, aren’t I? not worthy of love;

I am reckoned a puppy which men pity,

that they'd never take home.

Men see me, but don’t “see” ME.

  Am I to live like this forever?

Will something good ever come out of life?

Sweet things does happen to me,

but I ruin my chances,

mulling over crazy nuances.

I don’t think he would ever think about me.

All he does is avoid me,

yet, he looks me in the eye,

wrecking the egis guarding my soul.

What a player! You arrogant slayer.

“Your gestures might be platonic,

and looks so iconic.

Alas!they are stimuli triggering my desire to have you for myself.

and myself only forevermore.

You are to be blamed for me sowing the wrong seed in the wrong place.

You run away from she who loves you, you always do.

Well, you will run from me too,

if I make it known.

No, you will not run for I never let my heart known, not consciously.

You will have kill me before I let you know me.

My love cannot be seen so will it remain forever like a nail hammered in my heart,

I might pluck it out later,

will the scare ever be filled?

His mellifluous voice has already invaded my body and soul

. No matter how hard I try he “just can’t ever like me”.

                                                                

   This is my version of "He and I", actually not 'I', the identity of the 'I' is off the record. So if you can make sense of the above written so called poetry, you will come realize that, the 'he' in the poem is actually her crush. Well, I am a single, I will obviously promote breaks up (no offence). But what is beautiful about falling ardently hard in love with the crush is there is no rejection for you will never confess. The bliss of solitude will engulf you and you can have him/her for yourself in you imagination where no one can trespass, nor can they take him/her from you.... What??? you are the sole proprietor of your imagination. The closer you get to love, the intensity of pain will shot up to the level which will kill you. So, the distance will shield you from the pain. You live with him/her in your dreams for dream unlike reality has no limits. It is unbound and unaffected by the social constructs. So its absolutely okay to crush on someone... Happy Crushing... But don't get crushed. 😂

                                                                                                                         -Ramya Rajakannan

STILLNESS

I stood in the middle of nowhere,

Befuddled with the mysticism of clear air.

There s/he was right beside me

holding my wrinkled rain soaked hands; out of nowhere.

For the first time in forever,

my mind didn't waver.

I sunk deep, so deep into that moment of stillness.

So far away was I from my distractedness.

I felt the oneness,

of the trinity of my mind, body and soul.

                   

                                                                      

I've always been an addle head and never really given a thought about anything outside myself. It is not that I am a self-centered snob. I just care so much about the wellness of the trio of my mind, body and soul as they make me. I hail from a place lush with green environ. Life to me is magical, filled with vivid vibrant images of nature captured by my eyes. I am a solitary hermit wandering around in harmony with nature. I talk to the  trees, mountains, clouds, breeze and all the direct products of the nature. Really, I had magical vibe with which I tune into the nature and listen to multitude of voices given off by the it.

I never really had a lot of human conversations except for my family. But now I live in midst of the hullabaloo of the city. I was totally overwhelmed by the accelerated lifestyle of the people. I suddenly realized I have become this tiny little naïve flower somehow is miraculously alive in crowded streets of this city. I felt lost the potential to connect with the nature and live in quite placidity. I couldn't override the distractions and the unvarying movement my fellow human beings. I was caught in the metaphysical dilemma of existence, change and stability. Suddenly, one fine day I went out, bought a  ticket for the last station for the next local train and boarded the train. I observed every possible details around. I just kept imbibe the imbued images with my eyes  (I will spare you the details of it).

I came back home sat in a corner, closed my eyes  and let it all seep in. I savored all those memories gushing inside my head inundating my soul. I disengaged myself from my immediate surrounding to engage with another realm, wherein I was sifting through the experiences I had earlier that day. My engagement with the myself put me a trance that was transcendental. After a long time I relived and reattached myself with that macrocosmic oneness that fascinates me. I finally got a grip of myself in the form of memories, imagination, speculation and interpretation of the world in which I live now. It is the tranquility of the stillness that saved me. It taught me self-acceptance and self care for in the end all that matters in being humane and to be so one has to resort to stillness to winnow out the bad and retain only the good. Stillness to me is the only way to enter the cosmic oneness vested inside of us which is nothing but a fragment of this multiverse.

                                                                                       - Ramya Rajakannan

Waiting for Nothing

         My morning begun with the invoking insight of my muse; the person who enables me write and live a meaningful life. The person who has become a major part of my life. He said at the strike of 10: " LIFE IS WAITING FOR NOTHING". The intensity of his word burned down to cinders, all my misconstrued, bigoted contemplation of life as tedium. The indictments that I foresee of the future ideologies of the human condition, sent down a sudden chills up my spine. The fowl resplendence nurtured in this derelict world never let me sleep a moment in peace. My brain spun with the anxiety of my anticipated future? 

Will-o-the-Wisp!

She raised like will-o-the-wisp,
from the dark grey sky.
For a wild goose chase in the cloud atlas,
cascading down her lull in hiatus,
that she kept for six Monaten.
Then, she ran across spouting like an inundate stream.
"Run run Lola, for the dreams you have cherished,
for the life you thought had perished.
It is breezing in to you,
waiting to add a hue.
In the lackluster 'essence'
that you forget to foster; brio.
All your downtime blithe
ruined altogether by a Ninny-Hammer's pun.
Its going be new,
just me and you.
For once in a lifetime,
have a non-aligned view.
I
S
E
E
pappus everywhere; of the dandelions fair,
and no longer airy wisp,
I can see you, I can feel  it.
but, can't touch you even now.
For you sail high up above,
in the of nimbostratus.
Please bend down a little,
bow a little more.
Let me touch you once,
just once before you become;
"Will-o-the-wisp", forevermore.







 

 

You Never were a Crush

Hey, will you come by my side
just to say a hi,
that is all that i want
Your gleaming crystal eyes
gilding all along,
wont they turn to my side
hope you'll understand
that I am not a deadpan;
blank and vacant woodland.

Every-time you pass by my side,
you leave a void inside.
You make me wanna eat out my heart,
you are so caustic.
How long should I act being alone,
singing blues on the phone
like it happened agone.
I am waiting down the lane for you,
Till you realize, you were never just a Crush
for me and never will be. 

"What love we've given we will have forever. What love we fail to give is lost for all eternity."

“Love”!!! - The governing principle of the earth. Even after centuries of cutting edge technological advancements we still have got a thing for the presumably corny idea called love. Why is it that we all intransigent to admit to the very fact that love has got no meaning. Oops! I am sorry.  What I meant was “TRUE LOVE”. Where all the men wait for their beautiful princess Rapunzel (may be men do not like a “damsel in distress”, do you??? May be just a damsel??? You people are better off without the traditional sappy, blushy, over-sensitive girls, isn’t it??? ... too weak in men’s psychology... so, forget it.) and all the Women wait for their “Knight in the shining armour”. Are you not planning to kill me when I say true love is non-existent on earth? To find the truth, we have got to decipher the cipher of the cupid. I don’t do brail though. Is true love restrained to the fairy tales? If true love is forever, then why does it have to end with a “true love’s kiss”???  Can life be as good as or as happy as that of a romantic fiction after you fall in love??? I know it is getting too interrogative. But a string of questions haunt’s you when you try your hands on love. I am not here to answer those. What am I here for??? The reason is unfounded. What exactly happens when you fall in love? You first see the person and they appeal to your visual senses. Your eye gets a little peckish for the visual pleasure that it derives from watching each move of that person. You perpetually need a greater dosage. You become addicted to the intoxication purveyed by love. Finally, you reach the tip of acute addiction syndrome. But it is too late, because you are irrevocably apprehended by your counterpart. Potentially perilous memories are spliced into the neural receptors, resulting in a nervous breakdown of the victim. You lose our senses and agility. Your minds stop functioning, it becomes stagnated like a pond and dries up. Till we are enlightened with the stark of revelation that, “all lives end, all hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage.”

That was really a pessimistic hyperbole of love theory by me. But we all adhere to our favourite doctrine of facts better be left to the fiction. But it is inescapable fact that in this over burdened world, there are traces of love and humanity still found. We did not give up the cult of true love completely. Then, why can’t we stand each other for a long time in love. We don’t usually hate or break up with our parents. Ok, “EGO” is a major factor. And the minor factors include “ego”, “ego”, and “ego”... “we” is a very significant word in love and once when we depart from WE to I, we go off tangent from long term relationships, shredding our love like a wad of tissue.  “We" is a state of mind and heart. It is a telepathic connection. Here the absence of one partner is compensated by retrieving them in their thoughts. Partners who consider themselves a "we" act that way. When you talk to partners who live with and in the heart of their beloved, you experience that commitment in every way they present themselves. They communicate a pride in belonging to their partner. It's a powerful feeling of "us" over anyone or anything else. So, this is a kind warning from my side just to caution you from living a loner life forever...

R.Ramya J

Why a Man Kills What he Loves?

I sat besides my laptop and tried to contemplate on the reason behind the fight that took place this afternoon with my mom. On launching myself into this task, I found there wasn’t any reason for me to be mad at her. In fact, it was my entire fault because my conversation explicitly corroborates that it was me who instigated the fight. The worst part was that my mom didn’t retort back or made any attempt to underscore my mistake. She just hung up the call with grave silence. This cuts me through very badly. Okay, I have this bad habit of diverging from the core of what I write. But I had to code this incident since; I felt that it would be an inexcusable mistake to conceal the muse behind my choice of topic. Mom, you enlighten me, revealing most of the dark sides of reality that I feel better left to fiction.

We all have the irredeemable inclination to hurt people just by moving our boneless tongue in a haphazard way. This is just one way of killing people we love. There’s another way, this often results in what you call BREAK UP’S. We all fall in love, love is what drives the cart of the world or to be precise it feeds the soul of the world as Paulo Coelho puts it. If love is the greatest thing on earth, then why is it that we wound our loved ones with our lacerating words? Some idiots do on purpose they chuck their loved ones out of their life because they fantasise a pseudo hypothesis by rating them 1 on the scale of five. They look down upon them self which is a worst possible penalty that a person could inflict on himself. Well, why do you have to give a damn to the world which always finds faults neglecting the good in you? You are swift in kill in the person who cares for you so as to save yourself from the hazard of his or her scathing you. You fear that they would leave you. So, you leave them before they could. This complex restrains you from attempting to love a person. You miss them you kill them, their emotions so much so assuming it to do a greater good. But have you ever pondered on the very fact that it doesn’t help. Its the most obtuse blunder one could ever make.

Remember, you are not the so called omnipotent god to salvage your loved one from being battered. Rather, adding an impetus to the piling agony. So why try all these moronic acts. Be normal and follow your heart with wit. Coz no one in the world is worthy of you losing your happiness for them. Life is very short; don’t make it a futile one by over thinking things. If you are supposed to breathe, the air around will find its own way to enter you to keep you alive.

Don’t you worry just chill out. J